Opportunity as a Gift.

“But in times of trouble, I can turn to my mother and I know that she’s gonna understand, So at age 18, I cried to my mother and she told me, “Young man, there are moments when you fall to the ground, but you are stronger than you feel you are now. You don’t always have to speak so loud, no, just be as you are. Life is not always a comfortable ride, everybody’s got scars that they hide, and everybody plays the fool sometimes, yeah, just be as you are””- Mike Posner (Just Be As You Are)

Seldom do we get what we choose. We rarely do get a say in what we get. That probably explains the instant gratification I used to get when my parents let me decide what to order when we ate out when I was younger. Instant gratification gives us so much confidence, so much power. How naïve it now seems that I’d have such a broad grin when 8 year old me got to place the order at a restaurant; a feeling that I actually accomplished something, like a good grade or even the Nobel Peace Prize. After all, at that age, was there even a difference between the two?

What is it that makes us feel so powerful after making the decisions we do and taking the path that we choose to tread on. Does it have anything to do with reconciling to the circumstances that we do not get to choose? Circumstances that are just the byproduct of life and destiny, when none of those were ever choices for us to make. Part of my gut tells me that this phenome traces back to one factor that no human in the history of mankind could ever choose: parents. Parents give us life, how could one ever get a greater gift?

The gift of life is extremely undervalued. The value of a gift like life, is rated lower than most materialistic objects that we condemn ourselves to being slaves for. It’s sad how under-appreciated parents are for giving the gift of life. Life is immeasurable. But after all, how could one possibly dare to compare life to a pair of Nikes or an IPhone? Parents give us life. Life in turn, gives us one thing, and one thing only- opportunity. One shot, left open for us to make what we will of this gift, very much like play do-h, ready to take whatever form we choose to mold into.

Is a gift like that even quantifiable? Could it ever possibly be reduced to a formula, cold variables on a spectrum of numbers to be calculated into a simple percentage? I would seriously doubt it, but then again, that’s just my opinion. Today, my mother celebrated her birthday, and as I sat in my room, on the other side of the planet speaking to her, I felt grateful for the gift I received 18 years ago. It was a gift that I can never thank her enough for now would ever be able to pay her back for. The gift of life is, one of a kind.

Coming back to the instant gratification that 8 year old me felt and the entire spiel about not being able to choose who your parents are- How many would like choosing who their parents would be? More importantly, how many can handle making a decision like that? Decisions like that are obviously not ours to make, and that may be for the better. Looking back at my life, I know that even if I were given an option, I know that I wouldn’t have chosen any different, and I’m sure, as you think of your mother right now, you wouldn’t too.

P.S- A Happy Birthday to my mother, who not only brought me up, but has been my best friend for 18 years straight. They say that behind every successful man, there is a woman. No one ever disputed that that was his mother.

Running That Time.

Lost on a rocky road, Got lost in the promise of a love I never know. Shadows chase me far from home, I remember when my heart was filled gold. And you knew I been burned, I been burned, I been burned – Rihanna (Towards The Sun)

Long time, far longer than it should be. I don’t know where to begin. So much has happened; so much is yet to happen. Life is flying by. Spring had arrived and the snow had started to melt. Like the change of seasons, life began to turn too. Just like the pages of a book, chapter by chapter, my life was a cliff hanger had had to flip its page.

I took advantage of the weather and participated in a spring sport at high

Some of the medals and certificates I collected this track season

school. I participated in Track and Field and sprinted for my high school in the 100 meter, 200 meter, 100 meter relay, and 200 meter relay. At one track meet, the coaches even made me tryout the 400 meter relay which was well…. An experience. I ran the 100 meter race with a P.R of 12 seconds flat and the 200 meter race in 24.56 seconds.  I did miss a few track meets as I was traveling for a few weeks but I was happy to have kept myself occupied. Sports was a way for me to meet different types of people during the school year and was a great way for me to travel to other places in Minnesota and see the differences in

Life’s Good 🙂

its little towns. I made a lot of friends at track and I made a lot of memories that I will forever cherish. It reminded me of my first few weeks in Minnesota when I played soccer. Like soccer, I was not allowed to compete on the varsity team. It was frustrating but also took a lot of pressure off my shoulders. I remember running my final race at my final track meet of the season almost a week ago. 12 seconds is a short span of time to run a race and prove your mettle but the amount of training and puking and running and stomach aches that go into making sure you run only 12 seconds is something only athletes will know. Track meets lasted for 3-4 hours and we

One of my first meets. I won this particular event

often traveled for an hour or more to compete. I had only 12 seconds to show the world what I had.  During that final race, I realized that in all probability that would the last time I would ever compete competitively for my school. I felt pangs of pain after that race. Not physical pain, but mental pain. In my mind I still thought of myself as that 12 year old boy kicking a soccer ball at his school in India with all the time in the world to represent his school. Sadly, those days are over, and though I have not fully come to terms with that, I also know that life waits for no one and I too must move on with it and not get caught up in my memories.

I had to juggle with my academics and athletics quite a bit with track, especially when I missed two weeks of school when I traveled to the Grand

M coach congratulating me after another event

Canyon in Arizona. But that’s another story. Along with that I was preparing for multiple AP tests through which I could get college credit. Looking back at those few weeks where I faced a lot of academic stress I don’t regret devoting my time to my athletic endeavors. Sports has always been a release and an escape for me and now that I think of it, if I didn’t have my few hours of running during the day, I would have probably not have performed so well under stress. Life was good after my AP tests got over. I excelled at track, school was at its final stretch, my grades were as good as could be and I had free time to socialize with my friends and explore. I have recently picked up a keen interest in sociology and find it very fascinating.

As I said, Life was good. But little did I know, the best was yet to come…

But little did I know, the best was yet to come…

Slow Venom.

When I look into your eyes, I can see a love restrained. But darlin’ when I hold you. Don’t you know I feel the same, ‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever. And we both know hearts can change. And it’s hard to hold a candle. In the cold November rain. – Guns N’ Roses (November Rain)

Humans are weird creatures. Creatures of habit, creatures of purpose. They say it takes about 21 days on average to continuously do something to make it a habit. But how many of us know how long it takes to break a habit.

Breaking a habit is a lot more complicated, because while parts of those worn-in pathways can weaken without use, they never go away . They can be reactivated with the slightest provocation . If you’ve ever tried to quit smoking, you already know this. You can go a year without a cigarette, and then give in one time and BAM, the habit comes right back.

I found that on the internet. It’s scary if you think about it. Bad habits are like a slow poison that consumes your soul, slowly, but surely. We all have bad habits. The worst are those that we know are bad habits but still turn a blind and extremely naïve eye towards. They could range from the most harmless things that build up over time like eating junk food or drinking too much pop. They could also be extremely harmful things like smoking, drinking or falling prey to drugs. I think that even sometimes having people in your life can be venom to your veins. I’ve grown up with my family always telling me to choose my friends wisely. I sometimes regret not listening to good advice. I’m just that kind of person who is stupidly naive and tries to see only the good in people. Being by myself and not having anyone to guide with that has been a pretty turbulent experience. But that’s how one learns, I guess. A lot of my friends in India have really drifted away from me. I actually expected that. And that’s okay, I never expected anyone to put their life on hold for me. Every exchange student goes through the same struggle. I am also aware that when I go back home, things will be very different. My thinking is not going to the same as what it was a year ago. People are going to look at me and say “Wow, you’ve changed” like they expect me to be the same person that they knew a year ago.

But what does bother me is knowing which people are harmful for me still being around them. It’s a bad habit. It’s always been hard for me to let go of people. It’s one part of me that has not grown up as yet. But at some point one needs to learn to grow strong and realize that in the end, not everybody is going to be there for you, despite you trying and despite you putting in so much that they don’t realize when they’re so caught up in the moment. That is why they also say that you realize the true value of something, only after it is truly gone. Hopefully, by the time they realize that, it isn’t too late.

I miss my Indian friends. Sometimes, I wish things hadn’t changed so much. Sometimes, I wish I had hugged my mother and grandmother one more time before I got onto that fateful flight. Sometimes I question all the things that led upto this moment and how one coincidence led to another causing me to meet the people I did and bond with them. Sometimes, I just want to know the meaning of all that and find some sort of closure with myself. A lot more than just “sometimes,” I wish I could let go of the people whom I know are harmful for me. But we all have our fatal flaws. And it’s these flaws that make us so compassionate and define who we are. I look at it like a blessing rather than a curse. And, I am happy with who I am the way I try to touch the lives of those around me, in every little way possible. But yes, I’ll always wish I had hugged my mother and grandmother one more time before getting onto that fateful flight.

An Elephant In The House.

“Loving you Isn’t the right thing to do, How can I ever change things that I feel? If I could, Baby I’d give you my world. How can I, when you won’t take it from me? You can go your own way; Go your own way.” – Fleetwood Mac (Go Your Own Way)

A few days ago, I visited this house in Victoria (The town that I live in) called “The Blessing House.” Now, what’s interesting about this house is the story and meaning with which it was started. It’s owned by this lady who believes that she was called upon God to do something for the better of humanity. She wanted something to be remembered by. She wanted to leave a legacy; and rightfully so. I don’t think there is anyone that would not want to be remembered after his/her mortal existence. That’s just basic human nature. Sometimes at night, I too think about my time here and how many people would actually remember me after I go or how many people would actually be saddened to see me go. I remember how when I just got here, everyone was interested in talking to me and asking me about India. Two weeks down the line, everybody returned to their lives and I was just like “…” (The ellipsis was literally my state of mind.) I believe part of one of my earlier pictures said “Only a few care, others are just curious.” I think that holds a lot of water for my generation. We do live in a pretty materialistic world, and that’s pretty scary if you think about it.

One does not have to travel far to realize how selfish people can be. And I don’t wholly blame them. This is the world we were born in and this is the world that we have to fend for ourselves in. It is after all, survival of the fittest.  Back to my spiel; The Blessing House is a pretty incredible place. Anyone and everyone are welcome there. It runs only on charity. People can go and sit around there for however long they want. There are meditation rooms and bedrooms. They even host people up for the night if people come to them in dire need. All in all, it is a very interesting concept but one that is very meaningful. Just the vibes you get from the house are powerful. I had the privilege of meeting the owner of the house who told me her story. It’s always interesting hearing the story from the horse’s mouth itself. She is a very nice lady. She spoke to me about India. I believe that she did some missionary work there years ago. She also told me that it was the only country where she cried when she had to leave it. And being Indian, I might sound biased, but there is something magical about India

Even the smartest people fall prey to this.

that draws one to it. It’s just so enigmatic and passionate (yes, places can have personalities and can be passionate if they want to, sue me.) But it’s something one can experience only when they visit it. It was ironic that they were expecting some Indian speakers early on the next week. She invited me to come hear them speak. What was even more ironic that the person that I visited the Blessing House with was wearing a necklace with an elephant on it and the owner pointed that out. It struck me only because that was the first time I had seen her wearing that necklace.

The house is located not more than half a mile from my house and that I crossed it practically every day on my way to and from school. So many people probably cross it every day too, but do not know about what an incredible place it is. That saddens me. I make it a point to keep my eye out for places like this. You don’t have to travel around the world to see incredible things; you just need to open your eyes. My host parents were pretty surprised that I went there.To be honest, even the owner of the place was caught off-guard seeing two high school seniors at her doorstep. My host parents told me that it took a lot of courage to just waltz into a place like that. And maybe it did, but I believe that sometimes you need to put one foot into darkness before you step into paradise. What guarantee does one have for anything? It all boils down to a leap of faith eventually; no matter how damaged or unsure we are about something. But eh, how much difference can one exchange student make to someone’s life?

P.S- I am attaching the link to the website of this incredible place, if you ever happen to visit Victoria, Minnesota, I highly recommend visiting The Blessing House. http://www.theblessinghousemn.org/live/

Keeping Things in Perspective.

I’m still here, but yet I’m gone. I don’t play guitar or sing my songs. They never defined who I am, The man that loves you ’til the end. You’re the last person I will love, You’re the last face I will recall. – Glen Campbell (I’m Not Gonna Miss You)

You know, when I started my blog, I intended to write about my experiences traveling and seeing the world. Maybe a few posts down the line, it dawned upon me that NOONE REALLY CARES. And that’s the sad truth of life. No one could care less whether I went to California or Illinois or even right up to the Canadian border. When I started writing about anything other than travel, my hits doubled and for some reason, whatever I wrote seemed to intrigue whoever read my blog more.

I don’t know why. Sometimes people just need to see what another person goes through or what another person’s opinion is, to put his or her life into perspective. And that’s true for anyone, even me. Heck, especially me. I know that there was a time when I was obsessed with my grades. For some reason, I just wanted to be the best and I have always been competitive. I would constantly worry about tests, want to finish assignments a week beforehand and constantly check my grades even though I knew that my teachers had nothing to update about it. Somewhere down the line, I realized that I was being a complete idiot about my life. I did

True.

not come here to spend all my time studying. Sure, doing well academically is a priority for me but so was having new experiences. I tried running a race, not realizing that the only person that I was competing against was myself. I see people in school every day, with less challenging classes, still trying. Sometimes you need to peep out of your books to realize how fortunate you are to be given gifts that not all receive. About time for a cliché: Sometimes you need to stop and smell the roses. Life is short. You might enjoy reading, but honestly, would you rather read or be the person to experience life first hand and write for others to read about or would you rather just read about the incredible things other people did and saw your whole life. Again, life is short and one day your pages will run out. Two months from now,, I won’t remember how many books or articles I read in class but I’ll definitely remember the sunset I saw and the walk I took my dog for while the snow melted and the sunshine warmed my skin.

I needed to open my eyes to my circumstances and stop beating myself over being so competitive. I am after all, in a foreign land, without any family, new to the academic system, adjusting to a new family, adjusting to food and weather that I am not used to, balancing other responsibilities other than school, travelling and making new friends. That is why we need perspective; that is why I needed perspective. And it’s the little things that help us gain that perspective. I was sleeping over at a friend’s house last Friday. He was from the Czech Republic. He had also called over a friend of ours who was from Slovakia. They both are extremely incredible people. While talking, my friend got out a bottle. I did not know what it was but my Slovakian friend’s eyes shone. She started jumping and screaming like she had never seen a bottle before. On asking them what it was, they told me that it was a special kind of pop. It was basically a local Czech brand of Coco Cola. Though there were only sips to be divided between the three of us, it was a fun experience to try a new flavor. The next morning, I was talking to my friend’s host mother and conversation lead to her telling me that my friend loved this Czech pop and that it was his favorite drink in the world. She said that he could carry only one bottle with him to the U.S and had been saving it ever since he got here, for seven months, only to have a few sips and share the rest with me. Something she said tugged at my heart strings. I didn’t know how to respond and that does not happen very often with me.

On my car ride home, I thought a lot about that small gesture that seemed to make such a difference to me. My friend sacrificed something he loved for the sake of letting me try something new. How often do people come

People don’t really realize this.

along in life that genuinely wants to show you the world or something incredible? Or anything for that matter. Rarely, I’d say. And though one would find it amusing and mock it at first, these are the things that one regrets in hindsight. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, but when you care for whom you make those promises to, you know you’d keep them no matter how irrational they seem. My friend’s gesture that day helped me keep my life in perspective and taught me the effect that giving and offering something to others can mean. Not very often do people come along wanting to show you incredible things. Seize it. Making promises  mean a lot. And hey, if they laugh at those promises now, somewhere down the line, they’d regret it.

I Believe.

“In the middle of the night, when the Angels scream, I don’t want to live a lie that I Believe. I will never forget the moment. You and I will never die, It’s a dark embrace. Fate is coming, that I know. Time is running, got to go.” -Thirty Seconds To Mars (Do Or Die )

You know  that you really care when you miss school and don’t care about the countless tests you missed but worry whether your friend sat by herself at lunch that day. Life is weird. There’s no two ways about that.

So True 🙂

I’ve had the privilege of meeting some very fascinating people during my exchange. The other day in school, I was taking something out of my locker while a little boy no bigger than 5 feet walked by me. Since there was no one around, we had no option but to acknowledge each other. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I observe people and had seen him around. I know he was a special-ed student. He stopped in front of me and of all the things to say, he said “I’m very short.” I was caught off-guard at first but recovered and smiled and said “Well, that’s not a bad thing.” With all the confidence in the world he replied “Oh yes, I know. I like it; it gives me great ideas of places to hide.”

We all have problem we run away from, problems we don’t have to deal with. I know it’s probably the biggest cliché in the world but it’s also the truth. No matter what age, race, sex or IQ, everybody runs away. Even the smartest people do. I believe that knowing that there is a problem is the first step to the solution and being willing to talk about it is half the battle won. Even the most naïve and innocent run away. I believe that human emotion is a beautiful, terrible curse we were chosen to bear. The warmth and love one feels from people around you can mean so much more than all the money in the world. I believe that Love is the closest thing we have to magic and it is the closest we will ever get to it.

The Unspoken Truth.

I was at the Mall of America the other day. Walking around, I saw the jovial faces of people all around me. Looking at them gave me a new perspective to life. I believe that it’s very beautiful thing that no matter which part of the planet you come from, we all smile in the same language. I believe that it’s a very beautiful thing that some people can mean so much to you. Just the very fact that you can relate to them so well and feel like you know them forever can be scary as well as reassuring and comforting.

Human emotion is scary, but that is the beauty of it and that is the spice that makes life so fascinating. One day the people around you will be all but memories; your parents, family and definitely your high school “friends.” So tonight before going to bed, think hard about who you would continue to make an effort to have in yourself and make sure that they aren’t just a memory lost in time.

P.S- Good luck to everybody in India doing the board exams this year. A chapter of your life ends soon and a new one begins. And you of all people should be able to relate to what I have said.

A long pending shoutout to my brother for looking out for me even though he’s on his own journey of discovering himself.

The Definition Of Friendship.

I can’t say what’s next, And I got nothin’ up my sleeve. But I don’t lose my head, Cause it ain’t really up to me, And I’m doing just fine, I’m always landing on my feet. In the nick of time, And by the skin of my teeth. I ain’t gonna stress, Cause the worst ain’t happened yet. Something’s watching over me, Like Sweet Serendipity, Sweet Serendipity- Lee Dewyze (Sweet Serendipity)

Do you ever feel that in certain situations you should rather keep your mouth shut and focus your energy on eating your burrito but you still probe and open your mouth? Sometimes I feel that I just make things worse for myself.

The other day I was sitting at my lunch table and trying to make small talk with the person sitting next to me (<- I think I see the problem right here.) I was only intending to be friendly and polite. Well, that did not end in my favor.  But that’s not what this story is about. During our conversation, I jokingly asked this person whether we were friends to which the person replied “Well, how do you define a friend?” I was sort of caught off-guard but honesty, how do you define a friend? It compelled me to actually Google the definition of friendship and see how the word is generically defined (which is pretty sad.) I was definitely taken aback by the question and considering how much you do for someone you’d never expect a counter question like that.

I know that considering I have spent only seventeen years alive, I probably haven’t figured this friendship thing out. It’s funny actually. I’ve grown close to so many people during my lifetime. I’ve also drifted away from so many. Feelings change and emotion rearrange. I’ve seen people drift away from me like sand slipping through my fingers and it’s sad because many a time there is nothing you can do about it despite you trying so hard. I think it’s one of the worst feelings ever to be able to get so close to someone, emotionally understand them and know them so intimately but eventually end up pretending you don’t know each other. It is a horrible feeling and I see it happen every day. It just looks and feels so unnatural.

Everyone pretends the best they can. Avoid conversation, avoid running into each other, avoid coming face-to-face but the one part of you that can’t lie are your eyes. All that pretense instantly vanishes the moment you make eye contact with that person.  Eyes can never lie. The very fact that someone can’t make eye contact with you says a lot. It’s often because when you look in that person’s eyes, they know that you see more in them than what they see in themselves. On a side note – I think that practically any Indian kid would be able to relate to this, especially when they’re in trouble with their parents. But back to friendship. This week we celebrated Valentine’s Day. Though the general notion is that only couples celebrate Valentine’s Day, I beg to differ. I personally feel that it’s a day meant to celebrate a bond that you have with anybody and just a way of reassuring the people around you that you care about them. And that can be regardless their sex or age.

I think it actually shouldn’t have anything to do with being a couple because in my opinion, if I liked a girl, I’d definitely want to make her feel special everyday of the year. But that’s just my opinion and yours need not be the same. I had many Valentines; my mother, my grandmother, my aunts, my entire brigade of host mothers and host grandmothers, my friends and to some extent even my brother. What can I say, even though I constantly talk trash to him, I still care about him too, sue me. Let’s run through a quick exercise to gauge whether a person is your friend or not –

1. Makes a conscious effort to be in your life and genuinely cares for your well being – Friend
2. Smiles and jokes around with you only because you share classes but once the semester ends, you don’t even know whether they still even exist – Not really your friend
3. Knows the things you like and tries to do them with you whenever the occasion arises – friend
4. Sits with you for lunch but then changes his seat because he found someone whose company he’d rather prefer but still magically appears next to you during class to do assignments – you’d have to be blind to not realize that said person is not your friend but is just using you for his convenience.
5. Remembers you only when he needs help with his paper or assignment – do I even need to tell you this?
6. Spends $30 to buy you a rose on Valentine’s Day – you couldn’t possibly get a better friend. Something better would just defy the laws of nature.
7. Goes the extra mile to see you smile – friend
8. Number 7 actually rhymes.

So reader, by those standards, how many friends do you really have?

I think it’s sad that someone whom you believe has such high standards of English would not know the definition of friendship. Or at least pretend not to. But to those who make Valentine’s Day such a big shebang, here’s a thought –

“And he stuck the rose up the best he could. The girls standing near him giggled and said that’s the cutest thing they had ever seen. He knew not who they were but looked towards them and smiled all the same. But deep down, in his heart of hearts, he knew that the whole world would appreciate that rose but the one he was giving it to.”

And now reader, I ask you this, do you still hold onto that same opinion?

P.S- That would probably be my family or any of my friends. They all make that combined effort to laugh at my stupidity.

Living On A Prayer.

Cause unlike you I got nothing to hide, I don’t pretend to have any shame. I got a box we can put all your lies in, until the end of days. You know that I will be only a call away, the call you make when you’re all alone. And I know know that I will always be the one , You repent when you’re done. – The Weeknd (Till Dawn (Here Comes The Sun) )

Do you ever avoid something that you know will bring you pain? Something  that will bring you back to someone who was always there for you, someone that you will terribly miss. I know I avoid it. Maybe it could be intentionally avoiding eye contact with someone in your class or just avoiding someone in general.I know how childish it sounds but we all are guilty of it. It was the way we were wired. I know how painful it can be, the trauma that you endure. Its hard putting on a smiling face throughout the day and pretend everything is okay when every part of you wants to scream otherwise.

We often take opportunities that people offer us for granted.

It was only after a few days of the death of my schoolmate that I started to feel better. I just wanted to get through the week and take a breather. It was a Wednesday morning and that’s how this tale begins. I attended a Rotary meeting that morning and was looking forward to the evening. I was going to eat wings with a few friends of mine. It had become a ritual off late. I was finally getting over the stage of wanting to be recluse. That fateful Wednesday morning Life hit me in the face so hard, t knocked the wind out of me. There was an announcement at the meeting that a boy from my grade at my high school collapsed while running on the track of the local recreation centre the previous evening. What hit me even harder was the fact that the boy was a friend of mine whom I was going to meet that Wednesday evening for wings.

I felt like a whirlwind swept me off balance. But I never expected the situation to be so severe. I went to school that day and found out that my friend collapsed and went into cardiac arrest. Luckily two of my friends were working at the recreation centre and came to his aid immediately and tried to revive him through C.P.R. The ambulance was called and he was taken to the hospital. The doctors could not pin point what caused this. They tried whatever they could and finally induced him in a coma. I felt torrents of emotion that day. It was horrible. I felt so bad for his family.

Always.

You must understand that I live in a small community here. Everyone knows everyone and by the end of the day every family knew about the twist of fate that had befallen my friend. They updated his status via something called a “Caring Bridge Journal” which is basically an online website when one’s family can update the status of their loved ones for other people to see. And trust me, my buddy was loved. He was extremely popular in school and everybody knew him. To be honest, I was surprised that he chose to hang out with me despite already having so many friends. I think fate just brings us close to people for a reason. Who are we to question it?

They always work. Maybe in their own way, but they do.

My friend was a great guy. He always went out of his way to make other people feel comfortable. He was always helpful and one of those few people that you would look at and just want to be like. Haha, he was also many a girl’s first crush. Human life is so fickle. My friend’s life hung by a thread that night. And for a night after that. That fateful Wednesday, I realized how valuable every waking moment of my existence was. It was just a reaffirmation of the revelation I had just days ago. That Wednesday night while I lay in bed I prayed. I prayed for my family, for my friend’s family, for my friends and most of all I prayed that God didn’t intend for me to write something similar for my friend that I wrote for my schoolmate. I prayed so hard.

P.S:- The lyrics are because The Weeknd was one of his favorite artists. (After Sean Kingston of course.)

Soul Searching.

We were making history, breaking rules and breaking free. Questioning the writing on the wall, coming from the underground. Laughing as we’re falling down, soaking in the glory of it all. But in dark times, when we close our eyes, It’s a nightmare, It’s a nightmare. When the sun don’t shine, we lose our minds, But i swear we can get there. – Bea Miller(Young Blood)

Have you ever wondered what life is about? The meaning of our existence

I’d rather say it than leave it unsaid.

or how things are supposed to pan out. Who do you think decided it, what being must have written out the pages of our life, watching it play out, us being no more than mere pawns to a chess game.

Last week, I received some bad news. News regarding death. It was sudden and abrupt and nobody would have thought it even in their wildest of dreams. I was having an average evening after having an average day. I was expecting an average

She shone bright in a dark sky.

night of doing homework, talking to my host parents, maybe taking my dog for a walk and going to bed. Midst this mediocre evening I received a text message from an old classmate of mine whom I knew for the past 13 years, telling me that a girl, who graduated from our high school, had passed away. At first, I didn’t believe my friend and thought it was some sad excuse of a joke but her seriousness about the matter gripped me. I then started wishing that this was some sad excuse of a joke, but alas, it wasn’t so.

I knew this girl that had passed away. She was a year senior to me and a very nice person. Though she did get into her fair share of trouble (as we all did, mind you) she was a good person at heart and was always polite. That was the most charming attribute that she had, just the way of she approached an issue put a smile on your face and that requires talent. We need more of those people in this world. She was super helpful and did whatever in her capacity to help someone in need.  Though I was not super close to her, we did talk often and get along pretty well. I remember she sat next to me for a few exams.

I will not dwell into the way she passed away and get into the details of it

My host parents read me this poem when I told them about this. The poem touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

That is not for me to discuss. What I wish to talk about is emotions. Everybody has heard the phrase “Everybody has to die someday.” I’m sure everybody meets their friends and see people every day and just assume that they would see these people the next day. Everybody just assumes that everybody else will just “be there” the next day. We take it for granted, we ALL do. It is a flaw we possess that we will see each other the next day. There is no “will,” it is all a whim of something else, something far greater than us. People don’t always make it into tomorrow. This death stirred a lot of emotion in me. It saddened me. The thought of the feelings that her family might be having brought tears to my eyes. I started thinking about my family and thought about how much I took them for granted while I was with them. We all take our everyday things for granted. Our routines, our lives, our conscience, our everything.

You could get frustrated when things don’t go your way or you could let things take their natural path. Never take anything for granted,

This death encouraged me to do my own soul searching. It made me view things from a different perspective and compelled me to challenge the way I lived my life. There is no expiration date to life, we can go anytime. I realized how immature I was for getting sad over not getting an “A” on one paper and ruining my entire day over it while I could be enjoying it, cherishing each moment of my existence. Sure, school and classes are important but so is living. We don’t have to always be perfectionists, we are after all human. I think we are all here for a reason, that someone or something does write our story out. And probably watches it play out as well. I also believe that we meet the people that we did for a reason (don’t ever take that for granted), that everything happens for a reason and failure is struggle for today, the path for tomorrow and the road to victory the day after that.  And if things don’t go your way, don’t try to control it. From my personal experience, I can tell you that the more you try to control a situation, the more the situation controls you. Let things take their natural path.  I encourage you too to do your own soul searching. Dwell into your mind, think about what you want out of your life. We all die. The goal is not to live forever but to create something that will.

Say it, you never know when your clock runs out.

If there is one thing I want to ask you after doing my soul searching, it would be this. If you know you were to die tomorrow, would you do things the same way, make the same decisions and live life the same fashion? And yes, thinking about it made me shiver and brought me goose bumps too.

P.S:- No matter what I write, it could never bring justice to the character of the kind soul that passed away. She was a beacon among us. I believe that someone, somewhere else needed her far more than we did and I pray her soul may find happiness wherever it dwells now.

Everyday Superheroes.

If you are what you are what you say you are, then have no fear, the camera’s here and the microphones. Yeah, a fresh young look, mic check 2 1 2 wanna believe my own hype but its too untrue. – Superstar (Lupe Fiasco Feat. Matthew Santos)

I wonder how I come up with these things

Have you ever thought about this weird mental conversation we have with ourselves every single waking moment of our existence? It’s pretty cool if you think about it. It’s funny when I pay attention to the kind of things I think about. You are even at this moment mentally reading this blog to yourselves and I know I am definitely talking to myself as I type out these words and yet probably none of us gave much importance to it despite the voice inside being there in us since forever.

Well, that’s not what my blog is about this time but I just wanted to throw that out there to be speculated. But to draw a parallel to that, how many of pay attention to those finer details that make our lives what it is? I know I didn’t and frankly you feel the pinch when it’s not there. It reminds me of the lyrics of a Maroon 5 song – “When I’m without you, I’m something weak; you got me begging, begging on my knees. You show me good loving, make it alright, need a little sweetness in my life.” Many a time, those finer details include people that make our lives

Probably my favorite superhero quote of all time

what it is. We all have our everyday superheroes that we often fail to realize. Spiderman once said “With great power comes great responsibility.”I think one of my biggest inspirations would be the lunch lady at my American high school. She is

one lady, that no matter how crappy her day is going, she’ll make it a point to smile at the children while settling their lunch account and often tell them to smile as well! “The world can’t be all that bad” she’d often tell me. I’ve had my gloomy days where I am not in the zone and look troubled and

Open your eyes

she’d talk to me and say something comforting while I paid my lunch bill. That doesn’t take my problem away but it does help me. That is the sort of thing that builds relationships among people. She does that out of the goodness of her heart and not many students might think much of it, in some way that smile impacts everybody going through that line. Those kinds of people are my kind of people.

Thanks Papa! 🙂

That reminds me of another superhero I have had by my side through my life. My father is one man that would come home every night as tired as could be but with a smile on his face. He might have had a good day or a horrible day, and I know he’s had some pretty horrible days that I shudder even thinking about but that smile was always there. It’s easy to take that smile for granted. I know that when my friends would come over they’d enjoy hanging out with my father more they’d enjoy hanging out with me. But that’s the power of a smile. It’s a symbol of courage and has to give out power to others, more than we realize. “You only need the sun when lamps are burning low.” We can find everyday superheroes everywhere we try looking. It could be that one teacher who helps us or that one kid at your lunch table whom you don’t talk to despite sharing three classes with but goes out of his way to make you feel comfortable when you feel left out of the conversation or just troubled in general.

There is this one girl at my lunch table who is the sweetest and happiest person there could be but for some reason she’d never buy lunch at school. I’d pretend not like the school lunch and ask her to share it with me saying that I wouldn’t be able to get through it myself. I owe a lot to my upbringing and to my parents and just doing “the very Indian thing to do,” because

This was just super-cute, so I had to put it up. I could still show you incredible things

sharing is part of our culture and it makes us who we are and helps us reach out to people sometimes even when they don’t appreciate it or sometimes don’t realize it.  And truly, these everyday superheroes help us so much more than ones who can climb up walls or jump off skyscrapers.

P.S- Happy Birthday Papa ! 🙂